Learning to Accept Me

"She spends her days up in the North Park, watching the people as they pass. All she wants is just a little piece of that dream. Is that too much to ask? If I could be like that, I would give anything. Just to live one day in those shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do?"
~3 Doors Down


Usually I wirte at night, and I might just still later, you never know. But, the girls dont have to picked up from school for another hour and a half and Joe just so happen to fall asleep on the couch, so I thought I'd take advantage of it.

I have a question: How many of you read the lyrics that head all of my blog entires? Reason I ask is because sometimes I over look things like that. When Im reading a book or a magazine article, I over look the titles or the heading and go right for the meat of the topic. So, if you would please, do this: If you missed this one, please go back and read it, and if you didn't, still, please, go back and read it again.

Pretty powerfull stuff, huh? Some might say those words apply to me. In fact, that's why I put them in there. There have been so many times I have sat and watched people...mostly women...and thought: If I could just have the money they have, then I'd be OK. Or: If I just looked like them, then maybe my husband would like me better. But what are these thoughts really? I have to say, I set out to work a completely different angle on today's entry until I was sitting here with just those lyrics on the screen. I started thinking about what I've heard since I started this blog, and others in the past as well....People say Im brave. People say Im faithful and honest. I even had one lady say that I was an inspiration to others. Maybe I am, I dont know. But, one thing's for sure: Im a sinner, and if you put me up on a pedestal, I WILL fall off!

Ok, so back to the origianl thought here: The song lyrics. I put them up there because that's how I was feeling when I sat down here to write. But what are those feelings? Well, they are sins! So, that lead me to Ask.com: What are the 7 deadly sins and their meanings? I actually found 11 of them! I dont know how to 'copy & paste', so let me simplfy what I read here:

According to the Ask.com encyclopedia, here is a list of historical and modern definitions of all the deadly sins:


1. Extravagance: Frequent purchases of luxury goods; forms of debauchery.

2. Lust: Excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature.

3. Gluttony: The gulp down and swallow anything over-indulgently to the point of waste.

4. Greed: A rapacious desire and pursuit of wealth status and power.

5. Acedia: Translated to 'apathetic listlessness'; depression without joy. The neglect to take care of something one should be doing; similar to melancholy.

6. Despair: Feelings of hopelessness, despondency, and impending doom.

7. Sloth: Laziness and indifference.

8. Wrath: Uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger; rage.

9. Envy: Insatiable desire.

10. Pride: The desire to be more important or more attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good works of others, and excessive love of self.

11. Vainglory: Unjustified boasting or vanity.


How many of those did you indentify with? One? Two? Six? All of them? Here, hopefully this makes you feel better: I went back over them after I typed them out trying to find at least one so I could say: Ok, I sin by way of all these EXCEPT #6, or #9 or whatever. Wanna hear the ugly truth? I couldnt find one! I am guilty of ALL of these sins! And here I thought Gluttony (#3) would be my biggest challenge.

Ok, here's my list of sins according to the list above: *Big Sigh*

1. Extravagance: Well, I dont really buy what you'd call 'luxury items', but like i had said in a previous entry, I had bought a lot fo fast food "secretly", so that could be my purchases.

2. Lust: Oh wow, ok....Let me see....Im about as lustfull as a 15 year old boy, so this might be next to the worse one for me! I tried to reason that it was ok because the only person I truly lust after is my own husband, but that doesnt make it right.

3. Gluttony: My 'Akile's Heel', if you will.

4. Greed: According to the meanings, I dont really think I wish to be powerful or even 'of status', but I do desire to be wealthy at times.

5. Acedia: Neglecting to take care of something I should be doing...Hmmm...Yes, I do that daily.

6. Despair: I dont feel as hopeless as I use to, that's getting much better. But, what I do stil feel strongly is a feeling of being worthless; of not mattering.

7. Sloth: If I didnt have a little Sloth in me, I dont think I'd be as fat as I am today, you know.

8. Wrath: It's funny that they describe the feelings of rage or anger as 'uncontrolable', because that's exactly what they are. I dont want to get as angry as I do sometimes, but I just do.

9. Envy: I guess this is also at the top of my list. Honestly, I can't even have a conversation with certain people without wishing I was more like them. And for me, it's mostly physical.

10. Pride: Again, that just kinda ties in with #9....I sometimes wish I was more attractive than others and/or myself.

11. Vainglory: Unjustified boasting...Hmmm...I think I might do this on some sort of unconscience level.


It's hard to put your sins in the mirror. I think it's even harder to lay them out there for everyone to see. Was I just unjustifiably boasting? Gosh I hope not!

With every sin listed above, I believe that there can be a virtue. So, there is a bright side to all this ugliness. And the best part about it is, God doesn't want you to feel this way or do these things. He wrote a manuel for us all to follow, and when we slip off track, He wants to bring take it away and bring us back! But in the mean time, I feel I should learn to accept these things about me. Im a lot of things. A sinner is only part of who I am....who we all are. Do you fear change? Please dont! Change is good! Just look at your own list....you want to change them, right? You want your ending to be good, right? God knows who you are and what you're all about and guess what? He loves you reguardless of any flaws! Me too!

I have completely run out of time! I was going to say: I dont even have time to proof read this and check for errors. But, you know, I think that kinda fits in with today's theme! So, Im going click 'post' without spell-checking, please forgive me!

I might be back tonight to do another food journal, I dont know, depends on how much time I have. Thursday is my 'Sloth' day! It's the day I run around and do all the things I couldnt or just DIDNT do while Larry was gone so he doesnt notice.

I always send him the link to my blog....Oh well, my cat's outta the bag now!